***Warning: Satire.*** After a spending most of a sunny Sunday afternoon in a closed-door meeting, the editorial team of the NY Times have emerged looking weary but certain. “There’s really no other […]
Canada’s ‘Appropriation Prize’ Winner To Get $25,000 Cash And A Reserve Named After Them
***Satire*** After a busy weekend of fundraising, the pot for the Canadian Appropriation Prize has quickly grown to include $25,000, a brand new longhouse complete with air conditioning and water treatment plant […]
Canada Sets Up GoFundMe To Pay For A Ditch Severing Them From The United States
***Satire*** “And we will henceforward be known as North-of-North America. Or NON-America, to use the popular short form,” Says John Candy Jr., head of the Canadian Centre For Centre Being Spelled […]
Majority Of People Satisfied With Their Ability To Block Out The Searing Miracle Of Existence
Through a varied but grindingly routine pattern of consume-then-earn, consume-then-earn, read a worrisome article about the current state of the world, anxiety-eat a loaf of brownie, then back to earning (or trying […]
Historians Now Think Rome Collapsed Due To Winning So Much They Got Sick Of Winning
The discovery of a scroll that contains the transcription of a speech given by a failed Roman merchant running for Consul in the months leading up to the collapse of the Roman […]
Millions Of Americans May Have Mistakenly Thought They Were Fighting For Fun Rights
In a developing story that could finally explain the supposed need millions of Americans have for being within arms reach of lethal force in their homes, cars, businesses, beds, kitchen drawers, and […]
Canadian Banks Warn Too Many Canadians Are Falling For Their Aggressive Sales Practices
***Satire*** “To be honest we didn’t think anyone would be comfortable owing more money than their great-great-grandchildren will ever pay off, assuming those descendants win the lottery but skip paying the tax,” […]
Joint Chiefs Of Staff Reportedly Worried About All This Talk Of ‘Results’-Based Spending
***Satire*** Just as the Joint Chiefs of Staff were about to take a quick vote on whether to use the expected increase in their budget to purchase four new aircraft carriers, or […]
Concerned, But Not Wanting To Offend, Canada Quietly Plants Privacy Hedge Along Entire U.S. Border.
“And we’re happy to pay for it,” say a united front of Canadian premiers, national leaders, mayors, citizens, and casual acquaintances, of the newly planted hedge that has sprung up seemingly […]
Kevin O’Leary Close To Announcing He Also Grabs Pussy, Aides Say
***Satire*** Kevin O’Leary is looking at his hands. “Do you think they’re a little large?” He asks a visitor to his office, high above an American city, as he considers running for […]