TORONTO – Local police are on the hunt for a man they believe may have shook as many as two dozen hands yesterday, in a brazen virus-transmitting spree with no clear motive. […]
Experts in not-needlessly-dying say as many as 8,000 lives have been saved today by an unlikely source: the novel coronavirus. This, after America’s largest gun convention was cancelled over fears that people […]
“Let me put it this way. I wouldn’t spend much time worrying about current events. Any possible issue you are worried about right now, is just a few days away from being […]
“No no no no no no no,” a coffee cup in Markham, Ontario said in growing desperation early this morning, as the man who had just purchased him and his contents of […]
A man strolls across a busy street in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. A large truck bears down on him, but the man doesn’t notice, engrossed as he is in his phone, and reading […]
Even as the world grapples to contain the coronavirus, a new, far greater threat to the established order has emerged. One which could cause the greatest upheaval in human history: Communicable inequality. […]
Despite having just convinced more than 30,000 relative strangers to vote for him in the last election, through a combination of fear-mongering, bribery, and empty promises to return them to a time […]
***The following article contains graphic descriptions of government officials purchasing food. Reader discretion is advised.*** In what many are already calling the darkest moment in Canadian history, late last night Prime Minister […]
A group known as The Really True Patriots Who Are Way More Patrioter Than You’ll Ever Be Look It Says So Right On My Shirt, have been forced to cancel their plans […]
Displaced by massive forest fires that have burned barren swathes across their tinder-dry nation, a vessel carrying more than 200 Australian climate refugees has reportedly entered Sri Lankan waters, hoping to […]
The Out And Abouter 