“Hey Timmy, did you hear about the No Shit Papers?” The gas station attendant asks a tow truck driver just coming off of a fourteen hour shift, gesturing at a stack of […]
“No Shit” Papers Reveal Wealthy Using Power And Money To Their Advantage
In Final Blow To Suburban Malls, Amazon Adds Empty Corridors And Hollow-Eyed Sales People To Online Store
In what will likely sound the death knell for the few remaining suburban malls that haven’t already been re-appropriated as post-apocalyptic movie sets, Amazon has today released a new version of their […]
In Unpresidented Move, Nambia Declares Covfefe ‘Word Of The Year’
“In the words of both of our great president’s Kennedy and JFK: ‘I have measured out my life with covfefe spoons,’” said White House press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, when asked earlier […]
Kushner Caught Scaling Canadian Border Hedge Wearing Fake Beard, Plaid Jacket, Oilers Hat
Shortly after sunset this evening, at approximately 6:10 PM Central Daylight Time, Jared Kushner was apprehended by the Canadian Border Hedge Services Agency attempting to mount the forty-foot shrubbery that now separates […]
Nazi Demonstrators Frustrated By Being Given Candy, Asked Where Their Parents Are
“Oh and look at this one, what a little dear, he even pasted on a fake wispy beard and drew some terrible tattoos on his arms. Here, have a full-sized Snickers and […]
Researchers Say Most Of Canada Could One Day Be Powered By Debating Toxic Masculinity
A team of sociologists from the University of Alberta have announced that Canada is overlooking a crucial renewable in its hunt for energy independence from fossil fuels: toxic masculinity. More specifically, “The […]
In Revolutionary Move, Airbnb Now Offering Long Term Monthly Rate, To Be Called: ‘Renting’
In a return to their roots as an industry disruptor, Airbnb today announced an entirely new way of looking at the business of accepting money from people for the privilege to sleep […]
Carey Price Told He’ll Have To Show ID Before Each Face-Off During Habs’ Home Games
“Come again?” Carey Price, star goaltender for the Montreal Canadiens, said after yesterday’s skate around when informed that – due to Quebec’s new face-covering ban – he and all visiting goalies will […]
For First Time In 250 Years, Quebec In Favour Of Assimilation
In a surprise move, the province that gave Canada its second official language and has vociferously fought for the right to preserve its own unique culture, has now stated it sees the […]
Canada And UK Meet To Discuss Formally Declaring Donald Trump A Bloody Idiot
Following a closed-door, hastily adjourned emergency meeting today, Justin Trudeau and Theresa May emerged looking worn but determined and announced that their two nations had collectively agreed to assign to Donald Trump […]
The Out And Abouter 