“Mom’s getting ice cream,” George tells his sister as he runs past her in the cereal aisle, on his way to secure a lane at the check-out by whatever means necessary. Mary […]
“It’s a super food,” says Tom Brady as he pulls leaves of satire from a stalk of the ridiculous with a practiced motion, throwing them in the blender along with a sugar […]
“Hahahahahahahahaha,” said the head of security for the Greater Toronto Airports Authority when asked what threat is being detected by the newest item of security equipment travelers encounter before boarding. “Ahhhhhhhahahahahaha. It’s […]
Over dinner on Wednesday night, just as little Robby was pulling his sister over for turning left into the dining room during rush hour, his proud parents informed their guests that their […]
Thousands of generations too late to save the millions of assholes who have walked on this earth, and the billions of people forced to live with them, scientists have today announced they […]
Despite not having done even cursory levels of research, millions of families globally are, right this moment, recklessly bestowing the title of Best Dad Ever. A consortium of armchair experts agree this […]
“Let’s party like it’s 2017,” the girl says, pulling a man with scented facial hair in by his borderline-ironic bow tie. “I want to stay up until the Trump tweets.” While many […]
An untimely internet outage has left thousands of Toronto residents unable to access their basic opinions and biased sources of support, leading to numerous awkward silences as they repeatedly attempt to refresh […]
“About every two weeks,” admits the wallet, when asked how often it likes to put its owner through the singularly painful experience of having to cancel and reissue all of his credit […]
They sit at a red light, a distraught car and an unfeeling driver, one quietly leaking windshield washer fluid onto the hot asphalt, the other staring straight ahead with his jaw set. […]
The Out And Abouter 