“Hey,” a guy with a fresh tattoo he can’t wait to show someone says to a co-worker as she joins him at the coffee machine. “Hey.” “Got a new tattoo.” “Oh yeah? […]
New Tattoo Enables Man To Force Coworkers To Make Approving Noises As He Undresses
Moving To Protect Its Heritage Toronto Designates All Of Scarborough As Historic
“I mean, yes, it’s older than me,” says 40 year-old Jim Clancy, resident of Scarborough’s Bridalsplit neighbourhood, and owner of one of three hundred thousand homes recently designated as protected properties by […]
12 Inspirational Quotes Donald Trump Still Has Time To Say
A selection of inspirational quotes that Donald Trump has not yet said, but theoretically could – in the same way black holes could theoretically be portals to other universes where galaxies are […]
Seventeen Years Later, Millions Still Wondering Who Let The Dogs Out? (Who? Who? Who?)
“I just can’t understand how you can ask a question like that, that many times, and in that catchy a manner, and then never provide the answer,” says Johnny Williamsonoma of Farm […]
World’s Hottest Peppers Tired Of Being Objectified
“Is that all I am?” The ghost pepper asks as she fumbles for a cigarette, standing in the alley behind a grocery store after yet another competition between the stockers to decide […]
Manly Man Breaks Down And Uses Sad-Faced Emoji, Finds He Can’t Stop
“I was raised to believe real men don’t show their emojis,” Montrealer Kenneth Bouchard says, as he combs his arm hair into a pattern he describes as windswept. “As it is I rarely […]
Canadian List Of Popular Baby Names Takes Odd Turn, As ‘Sir John A. MacDonald’ Tops Charts
The popular website PopularBabyNamesForSuddenHistoryBuffs.com has today revealed that the month of August saw a meteoric rise in the number of Canadian children being named ‘Sir John A. MacDonald.’ “There’s always been steady […]
Decadent Yet Practical, Deep-Fried Defibrillators Fly Off The Shelves At CNE
Jimmy is busy. A lineup starts at his kiosk (Jimmy’s Infarction’s, an institution at the annual CNE which proudly flashes its slogan out into the boisterous night: ‘Bypass your arteries, not our stand’) […]
Service Call Tense As Furnace Repairman And Pig Farmer Each Sure Other Is A Serial Killer
“This place looks dodgy as hell,” says John Frost, a furnace repairman of twenty years, as he pulls up to a remote farm full of rusting machinery, angry dogs, and Edmonton Oilers […]
Hoping To Reach Untapped Markets, Produce Store Opens Right Beside Other Produce Stores
“We saw a gap in the market and decided to just go for it,” says Raymond Jimenez, owner of Fully Stalked, the newest place to sell fruit and vegetables on a street that now […]
The Out And Abouter 