In the darkness of a refrigerator, hidden behind half a cantaloupe and underneath a box of spinach, an ultra-elite team of raspberries waits. Specialists in the art of looking deceptively perfect […]
As the fireworks detonated in humid night skies across an improbably large, disparate, and yet deeply ardent nation, Canadians gathered in the common spaces. Those same spaces created by much-debated tax dollars, […]
“Hi. I’m a perfectly round, flat skipping stone, and I have a few questions I’d like to ask before you throw me in the water,” a perfectly round, flat skipping stone said, […]
Here is the winning entry to The Out And Abouter’s 1st Annual Student Satire contest, submitted by Brooke B., from Haliburton, Ontario. Competitive Soccer Team Allows First Boy To Join Ranks By: […]
In basements, safe rooms, and carefully-sealed portable battlefield surgeries across Canada, sufferers of the annual Scourge Of Earth (aka hay fever, allergic rhinitis, or Curse Of The Plants) are being treated by […]
With ever-growing panic this morning, a perfectly ripe avocado two rows from the front of the display bin, in a central Toronto grocery store, checked in with his surrounding companions. “Tommy, how […]
As the cold, inexorable, unfeeling hand of a human in search of oral hygiene reaches into the cupboard behind the bathroom mirror, the final bit of toothpaste left in the tube quietly […]
After 50 years of selling injection-molded plastic to generations of children whose TV shows were 22-minute ads periodically interrupted by 30-seconds ads, the international chain of aisle tantrums, Toys “R” Us, is […]
And the other 19% just swear. A new study – released just in time for this Monday morning’s commute – has revealed that four out of five Canadians employ a combination of […]
“If only Johnny and Jimmy and Stevie and Paulie and Susie and Jenny and Freddy and Danny and Sammy and Timmy were all here to see it,” Ernest the fruit fly said […]
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