Racist Trolls Who Were Against Megan Markle Joining Royal Family Now Outraged She’s Leaving

As the news that Megan Markle and Prince Harry intend to voluntarily give up some people’s dreams (being royals) to live everyone’s dream (being Canadian) began to spread, a particularly noxious noise was heard from the increasingly large corner of the internet inhabited by people with nothing better to do with their lives than hate the colour of skin in which other people live theirs. 

“Leaving? She can’t leave! Independence my arse!” shouted a woman on London’s Bank Street, who had voted (with gusto) for her entire country to do exactly that just a few years ago. “We just finished telling her how much we hate her! Now we’ll never get a chance to be honest about why that is!!”

Subjected to a withering blast of bald racism from online commentators since the earliest stages of their romance, after a recent trip to Canada Harry and Megan today announced that they wished to be more like Canadians, and not give a fuck what the belligerent assholes of the world think. 

“While we will always be members of the royal family,” Markle said, looking buoyed by the knowledge that she might soon be able to step back from being a walking target for every hateful shithead with a phone, two thumbs, and a raisin for a heart, “I have finally decided to listen to a few of my detractors, and am taking my ass back where it came from. Along with my loving family, who will of course join me.”

“Well how bloody well dare she listen to us,” said an elderly man on a ferry to France, interrupting a long-winded whinge about Europe in general to address the royal news. “I said from the get-go that she was no good for Harry. Sure she’s talented, beautiful, intelligent, poised in way best described as timeless, with a heart the size of the swelling great Atlantic Ocean itself,” he drops off, seeming to lose himself in his own description of the Duchess of Sussex, before suddenly remembering. 

“But there’s just something about her I don’t like,” he concludes, his unkempt white hair blowing aimlessly in the breeze, covering his face, and obscuring his vision. 

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10 replies »

  1. Thanks Pail This is so on-target that it will save me more idiotic conversations. I’m just printing this out amd giving a copy to all these idiots.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. First they were moving to Africa. Didnt understand why or care. Now they like us. That’s fine. However, spending millions a year to protect her bothers me. That is if they really move here.
    I still think she’s a gold digger. Her whole family will want to move here. More security. She wanted to be royal. They need to live in their little castle and visit occasionally. I didn’t like her before. Haven’t changed my mind.
    Sorry. Not sorry. If she’s unhappy, tough. Guess she didn’t think it through.


    • Oh, dear. You are not a very happy person, are you? Have you forgotten how much fun the tabloids had with her estrangement from her family? I don’t think we will end up supporting them. In fact, I doubt if we will end up spending much money at all on these people. So come one, tell us what your real issue is with Meghan Or shall we all just make our best guess?

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Do we really need “royals” in any country on earth any more? Maybe they should all move to Canada and sell life insurance or government insured CDs for a living.


  4. I think on the whole just about everybody underestimates how hard moving countries, even to be with the man or woman you love. For me having a new baby made it that much harder. When it is just you, entering a different world can be an adventure but once you have had a child the rose-coloured glasses come off. You realise this might just be the rest of your life. In my case at least, you suddenly yearn for the trusted and familiar. Even if you have been living an independent life for a decade or more, suddenly, you just might want your mum. Add to that the unique pressures of Meghan’s position, my heart has gone out to her.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I found myself reacting to things which had never bothered me before, now I had a child to consider. From the outside looking in, it looks t o me that having Archie has probably brought out all sorts of things – couple that couple that with the fact that the period following the birth of a child can be a very vulnerable time for a woman. A little kindness and support goes a long way.

    Liked by 1 person

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