Breaking: April Fool’s Day Called Off Due To General Agreement Shit Already Weird Enough

Life

By Paul Duncan on April 1, 2019 • ( 5 Comments )

Just another day, in a messed up century. 

With global absurdity levels at an all time high, in an eleventh hour decision the United Nations has moved to cancel April Fool’s day for the first time since Pharoah Ramesses told Moses he and his people were absolutely free to go.

For his part, Donald Trump stated that while he was disappointed he would have to shelve his planned joke of telling everyone he was quitting Twitter, he was relieved he would not have to pretend to quit Twitter. 

While in the U.K., 19 consecutive votes on the matter of whether or not to celebrate April Fool’s resulted in a parliamentary stalemate, and general agreement that maybe it was time for a national nap instead. 

Reached for comment on the unprecedented move to stop what in the past was viewed as a relatively harmless distraction in a generally sensible world, António Guterres, Secretary General of the UN, kept his message short and acerbic.

“What’s the point? How can April Fool’s day be any weirder than any of the other days of the last few years? It cannot. I suggest we all focus on restoring order in our world, rather than swapping the salt for the sugar, inane bullies for leaders, or general regression in the many areas we’d formerly been making strides in.”

 

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Categories: Life, Politics

Tagged as: April Fool's, Humour, Satire, Trump