Andrew Scheer Can’t Wait For Harper To Come Over And Give Him Lawn Care Tips This Weekend

Harper telling Scheer how out of control his weed debates are getting.

Yeah. I’m stoked,” says Andrew Scheer, when asked how he feels about former Prime Minister Stephen Harper telling him, via an address made to the Stanford School of Business, that he would be visiting Scheer this weekend to assess his lawn and “just give him a few pointers.”

“It’s always great times when Steve-o comes over,” adds Scheer – who inherited the leadership of the Conservative Party of Canada from Mr. Harper, along with thirty-seven pairs of size-40 khakis that have never quite fit – with a flat-as-Saskatchewan deadpan. 

“He’s so helpful at taking over the grill, and explaining in detail how lame my beer choices are, and telling me how he’d train my dog better, and asking if I really think that’s a nice colour for a truck. It’s just so great. So great. So grate.” His clenched teeth cut him off here, as a vein begins to throb above his left eye. 

It’s a surprising level of magnanimity from a man who had to endure his predecessor being widely-quoted this week as saying that he could “probably still easily be the leader of my party if I wanted to.”

“Ah, that’s just Stanford-room talk,” Scheer says, trying – unsuccessfully – to look like it doesn’t irk him to hear that the only reason he got his hands on the wheels of power was because Harper decided to let him borrow the car, as long as he has it back by midnight.

“I love it when Stephen tells me how he made my house,” the younger, less-experienced, but trying really really hard, man says. “I always look forward to having him over. After all, he’s got some excellent tips when it comes to lawn care. That guy really knows his fertilizer.”

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