A selection of inspirational quotes that Donald Trump has not yet said, but theoretically could – in the same way black holes could theoretically be portals to other universes where galaxies are made entirely of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and in which no one ever dies, they just continuously evolve into better versions of themselves until they become sentient Lotus flowers with impeccable manners who know all the answers to the crossword puzzle:
1) “Not everyone gets all the chances I did. I had a lot of chances, all the chances really. I had the best chances. I ate caviar off my chances I had so many. Not everyone gets that. I feel sorry for those people, and have decided to correct this imbalance by devoting the rest of my life to eradicating systemic bias.”
2) “Seriously, who cares about a bunch of emails anyway?”
3) “No one should ever be grabbed by their genitals. It’s that simple. Anyone who brags about genital grabbing can vaffanculo ok? You know what that means? It isn’t nice. Not nice at all. But they really should.”
4) “I think national borders are like underwear. They’re restrictive, they’re unnatural, and the real fun begins when you start pulling them down.”
5) “I’m giving up Fox News for Lent.”
6) “Much more than they need us to help them, it’s my belief that black communities simply need us to stop hindering them.”
7) “What’s Twitter?”
8) “Becoming president has allowed me to see a whole new world. A dazzling place I never knew. When I’m way up here, it’s crystal clear that now I’m in a whole new world with you.”
9) “You want to know the difference between the American dream and every other nation’s dream? I’ll tell you. There isn’t any.”
10) “Climate change is a lot like being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. You can ignore it, sure, but it won’t ignore you.”
11) “There isn’t a single problem on earth that we can bomb our way out of.”
12) “So with no further ado I am firing Mike Pence and resigning. I’m sorry for harnessing the darkest fears in the American populace, and appealing to the very basest part of our nation’s nature, all so I could settle a score with Barack Obama. I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me. I will now spend the rest of my days in a remote location attempting to find inner peace. Blessings on you all, and may you learn to look inside yourselves for answers, rather than to the failing NY Times.”
Categories: Life
The Out And Abouter 