At Victory Dinner, Erdogan Offers Old Fish Or Old Fish With Fresh Ground Pepper Spray.


Erdogan, deciding who gets dessert

“Shit. Everyone is saying they already ate, and that they could smell the fish from the parking lot,” says Jamil Taleb, head of catering at Despot Is in Deskitchen, a boutique service that exclusively serves Turkish President Recep Erdogan’s high-society events, as well as his more rustic all-night torturing sessions in the hills of Turkey.

“Don’t let the prez know, he”ll pepper spray them, and then make them eat the fish through their nose while singing the national anthem,” replies the Chef Ahmed, who is actually an orthopaedic surgeon employed more for his ability to quickly remove the digits of detractors than for his sauce recipes.

“Too late,” Taleb informs, looking out through the kitchen door. “He’s already disappeared tables one, four, and seven. We’re going to need a lot more old fish.”

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