Facebook Confirms Its Engineers Are Deciding What You Have For Dinner


In a startling confirmation of how far into over a billion users’ daily lives the ubiquitous social media platform has reached, a representative of Facebook has today confirmed that they are manipulating what you have for dinner, and have been doing so for some time.

“We had been leaving it up to the algorithms to decide, but this inexplicably lead to a disproportionate number of people having deviled eggs multiple times a day. So, for some time now there has been a team of people making sure you don’t just have leftovers, again.”

The news will fall as the rest of the news regarding Facebook does: some will be incensed, some will say ‘obvs,’ and some will never hear about it because none of their friends shared, liked, hearted, flowered, or squint-smiled it, as their lives orbit ever closer to a news singularity, out of which only celebrity tweets, cat images, and reductive memes emerge.


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