Thousands Of Canadians Cancel Trips To England After Learning ‘It’s Full’


The “Britain is full” rallying cry of the British National Party appears to have sown confusion amongst Canadians looking to travel to the island nation, leading thousands to cancel their trips in uncertainty as to whether they will be allowed in, and if they are, how crowded it might be.

“I’m just glad I forgot to deselect the over-priced cancellation insurance,’ Says John McCoughlin, comfortably retired grandfather of two and late-life globetrotter. “If I had known England was full I wouldn’t have booked a trip there in the first place.”

And John is alone in neither his surprise, nor decision to not holiday in a nation that has declared itself chockers. Many Canadians, having heard the BNP’s thoughtful and carefully weighed assessment of that nation’s capacity, are cancelling trips there faster than you can say ‘hyperbole.’

“Even with a confirmed hotel reservation, why would I want to go somewhere that crowded? I found the subways – they call them tubes you know – busy enough as it is.” Says Joanne Jeffries, resident of Winnipeg and infrequent transit user. “No, instead I’m going to Spain this year.  I like walking the little towns during siesta, it’s very quiet then.”

Reached for comment a BNP spokesperson was initially incredulous at this development, but moved quickly to patronization followed by belligerence.

“Are you having me on? You cannot be serious. We aren’t full for tourists, you thick numpties. We’re full for economic migrants moving here to live off the government and be different from us. We have loads of room for people to visit, and buy mugs and spoons and union jack underwear and ask dumb questions about the queen. Plenty of room for that, no room for people who might need assistance putting their lives back together and are predisposed to eat different foods and wear different clothes and ergo will ruin everything.”

What about tourists who wear different clothes and eat different food?

BNP: “That’s fine, we’re happy to welcome them, give them a shitty exchange rate, force fish and chips on them, and send them on their way.”

What about Canadians wanting to move to Britain?

BNP: “Also fine, clearly.”

So not full for that?

BNP: “Not full for that.”

How about Canadians who dress and eat differently wanting to move there?

BNP: “Muslim sort of differently?”


BNP: “Full.”

It seems like your catchphrase could use a few caveats.

BNP: “I’ll give you a caveat.” A stream of invective followed, which quickly proceed to an abrupt completion of the interview.

Despite this clarification, many Canadians we spoke to expressed residual confusion over just who Britain is full for.

“I don’t like brown sauce or tea, is that going to be a thing? Also not really a fan of queuing, and I’m led to believe that can be a major problem over there. Understandably if they’re that crowded,” Says Jo Shmough of Vancouver. “I think I’d better play it safe and just go to L.A. this year.”15365521_s



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